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August 9, 2009

Winning With Teen Communication

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tarrant

This is a compensated review from BlogHer and Sprint

This contest is now closed. Congratulate Lara-Our Winner-with this

comment:
We talk to the teenagers – and 5 year old – in our family by playing a nightly game that we’ve begun calling the “love game”. We have dinner every night together, and each person has to tell everyone one thing she loves about her. Then she has to finish w/something she loves about herself. We’ve found that in a house full of five women, this “game”/exercise makes us pause, think, and be generous to each other. The teenagers are more patient as a result and know that whatever happens, we love them – and they have countless examples!

Thank you all for your participation and great ideas!

I am starting to feel like an expert on teenagers. I know—premature. In my past life, I was a nanny for a number of years, so thought I was an expert on babies and toddlers. Each of my children proved me wrong in a different way. I expect the same from them as teenagers.

We have racked up some experience with teens in this house though. Two of our children in their 20s, the 19 year old has lived on her own for a year and we have a 15 year old and 13 year old at home, as well as the “I am a teen that just happens to be only nearly 11.”

We still talk to the 19 year old nearly daily on the phone. Sometimes she will call in the wee hours of the night just because she knows we will listen. We made it a rule long before they needed it that the children can call for a ride or call to talk at any time. “We love you. Be careful. Have fun. Call if you need us.” Call they did and still do.

The 23 year old tends to text more than call, not as often as he did when we lived close by and he could just pop in to do laundry. The 26 year old we keep up with via Facebook, Loopt and text messages.

The younger three children still are subject to what I call the “mommy trap.” You see, none of them drive. None of the older kids drove until they were 18-ish. I doubt the younger ones will either. This means talking time. Sometimes this talk time can make us all want to pull our hair out. Three kids, 2 adults, in a small car—picture it. Wait. Picture it with my special breed of children—loud, opinionated, and bouncy. You have it-mayhem. Then again, sometimes that plays off well and you learn more than you would if you had a solitary child.

Then, I tend to take a point in time where each child gets car time alone with mommy. Mommy and Me time we still call it. A teenager-sitting shotgun in the car with just mom, the radio on, and many times the floodgates open. No eye-to-eye contact needed. A question or two or babble about my own day gets them talking. If car time is not in the cards, then I call the teen to help in the kitchen. Again, each of us focused on our own task and chatting about our lives. Mommy and me time-completely and utterly important when you live in a busy household and have siblings.

Yes, we have electronic forms of communication. The children have had email for years. This mostly has consisted of the youngest child sending email forwards, the thirteen-year-old and 19 yo sending papers to proofread or print, the 15 year old sends the occasional video or funny link.

With the older children, I often sent them an email when I could tell things were rough, but they weren’t ready for mommy talk about it. I whispered the words electronically so they would hear. “I know life feels bad right now. I know you don’t want to talk about it yet. Know this though, you are important to me and do matter. I love you, even on those days when you don’t love yourself or don’t think anyone else could or does love the real you.” I do the same sometimes with the younger ones. Not as much yet, but I suspect one or two of them need those whispers in the years to come.

Their father just got each of the younger children phones with texting capabilities. They love being able to text us, even the phone shy 15 year old.

The 15 year old and 13 year old both have their own blogs now. They allow us to read them for now. That may change and we will respect that privacy as we did with the older children. In the meantime, it gives us a peek into their teen lives. What captures their attention? What did they get out of a family experience? The blogs give us that peek and sometimes more, much, much more.

In our house, listening and not blushing too hard helps keep the lines of communication open.

Now, here is the excellent part about this post-you can win a $200 Visa gift card from BlogHer!

How?

To enter, leave me a comment below and tell me about how you keep the lines of communication open with your teens- or you may leave a link to your post on your own blog in the comments below. The contest will begin at 9:00 a.m. (PST) August 10, 2009 and will end 5:00 p.m. (PST) September 4, 2009. Make sure that the e-mail address you leave is correct.

Rules:

  • No duplicate comments.
  • You may receive an additional entry by linking on twitter and leaving a link in the comments.
  • You may receive an additional entry by blogging about this contest and leaving a link in the comments.
  • This giveaway is open to US-residents, 18 and over
  • Winners will be selected via random draw, and will notified by e-mail.
  • You have 48 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.
  • Please see the official rules here: Official Rules

Check out how other BlogHer Reviewers keep lines of communication open with their growing kids – you’ve got 8 other chances to win a $200 Visa gift card!

Find more info for keeping in touch with your kids here.

116 Comments

  1. I find that both my daughters, like your teens, start talking after a few minutes in the car. Also on dog walks. It takes until we’re almost around the block, but then they’ll start talking and acting like the children that I thought had been replaced by aliens. The quiet time, and time spent separately with each are both important for reestablishing trust, I think.

    Comment by Margo — August 10, 2009 @ 4:58 pm

  2. I tweeted!

    http://twitter.com/gomar3720/status/3233180585

    Comment by Margo — August 10, 2009 @ 5:01 pm

  3. My guys are 13, 15, 16. WE usually talk when we are in the car. I know if something is bothering one of them because he will usually say, Can we go for a walk? just me and you? I know to drop everything and go. The best way is usually their way. They want you to know, they just need to tell you their way. My guys come to me with everything, unless its money! that is their dads speciality….I also utilize myspace and facebook to see how they are feeling and follow up on it.

    Comment by Amber — August 11, 2009 @ 6:26 am

  4. My daughter is 21, and my son is 17. My daughter is in college in another state, but we IM all of the time and leave each other e-mail. She has a Twitter and a photography gallery account, and we leave each other comments there. I’m delighted that she still sends me e-vites to look at her latest photo galleries and her blog.

    My son will be a senior in high school in the fall, and we also IM each other. He’s not interested in blogging, and thinks Twitter is silly–but wait–his girlfriend is moving across the country, so that may change!

    My son loves his X-Box, so we do a lot of our communication around that. I play Rockband with him, as well as some MMORPGs (online role play games). When the whole family is here (four of us) we all play Rockband or another game together, and chat about things inbetween. We also chat in the car around Swedish Industrial and German pop music, and when we’re playing board games, like Scrabble and Yahtzee.

    I have found communication flows more easily when we (as parents) work through the media or means our kids feel most comfortable with. While we try to share turns around music and games, we also tend to defer more to what the kids like than our own tastes. One good thing I’ll admit about living in a rural dead zone, I don’t have to learn texting!

    Comment by Mare — August 11, 2009 @ 11:57 am

  5. my kids are still pretty little, but we are trying to set the standards for communication now. i’m not naturally an empathetic person, so i am working very hard to *listen* before i jump in with my opinions/rules/corrections. i figure if they don’t feel loved and understood (and therefore safe in sharing & feeling with me) as littles, they definitely won’t feel it as they get older. “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” (I John 3:18) kyrie24 at gmail dot com

    Comment by Laura — August 11, 2009 @ 12:02 pm

  6. I Tweeted, too!
    http://twitter.com/Byroney/status/3248530192

    Some really great ideas shared so far…

    Comment by Mare — August 11, 2009 @ 12:08 pm

  7. We talk to the teenagers – and 5 year old – in our family by playing a nightly game that we’ve begun calling the “love game”. We have dinner every night together, and each person has to tell everyone one thing she loves about her. Then she has to finish w/something she loves about herself. We’ve found that in a house full of five women, this “game”/exercise makes us pause, think, and be generous to each other. The teenagers are more patient as a result and know that whatever happens, we love them – and they have countless examples!

    Comment by Lara — August 11, 2009 @ 7:50 pm

  8. well I have to make sure the my 13 y.o. keeps his phone charged up ! Other than that he stays pretty connected :)

    http://www.icoulduseadeal.blogspot.com
    ck out my blog I’m trying to build subscribers :)

    jtrophy at aol dot com

    Comment by Jeanine Peterson — August 11, 2009 @ 8:34 pm

  9. We text and read FB and I try really hard to be open whenever they need to chat, even in the small hours of the morning.

    Comment by Carmen — August 11, 2009 @ 9:01 pm

  10. My boys are still young but I always tell them that I am open to anything they want to talk about as long as they are honest with me. This keeps the line of communication open.

    Comment by Andrea — August 12, 2009 @ 9:04 pm

  11. we keep the lines of communication open by eating dinner together as a family. It’s a time to get to know our children, especially our oldest as he gets more freedom.
    cat at 3kidsandus dot com

    Comment by Cat — August 12, 2009 @ 10:49 pm

  12. Glad you mentioned texting. It opens up whole new worlds of parenting potential. How is it that the teens are so much faster at it than I am!

    Comment by Jayne G — August 12, 2009 @ 11:53 pm

  13. we do things together when my kids are in town , be honest with eachother,e-mail and call alot :)

    thanks bunches

    Comment by Claudia — August 13, 2009 @ 12:14 am

  14. We always eat dinner together as a family. No tv, no cell phones. This makes it easy to re-connect after a long day.

    Comment by Kristi G — August 13, 2009 @ 9:59 am

  15. I love that my teenage son now has an email account. He is gone at practice or some event all the time. If I need to ask him a question I often email it so I dont forget the next time he is home. Love it1

    ajcmeyer at go dot com

    Comment by Abby — August 13, 2009 @ 10:47 am

  16. I think texting is a great way to keep connected with my 11 year old. We’re able to send quick messages back and forth, both important and silly! Thanks for the contest!

    Comment by Elena — August 13, 2009 @ 11:40 am

  17. We leave comments for each other on Facebook. They open up more than in person

    Comment by Linda Fish — August 13, 2009 @ 12:11 pm

  18. I’m the child; she’s the mother. I don’t have any kids yet. Although I’m 32, single and independent, speaking with my Mom is a daily priority. I have a Sprint cell phone that I use to keep in contact with her. Although she doesn’t live far, we are both busy people. She is retired but substitute teaching and I work full-time and do plays and musicals in my free time.

    As I’ve gotten older, a cell phone allows us to keep in touch when I’m in between work and play practice. I put in my Blue Tooth and call my mom during travel. We get quality time that way that fits into both our schedules!

    Comment by she — August 13, 2009 @ 1:05 pm

  19. blogged: http://www.shebecameabutterfly.net/?p=4434

    Comment by she — August 13, 2009 @ 1:05 pm

  20. My teen are now adults. One is a mom herself and the other a hard working young man. But they are still close. They are living back at home.

    In the teen years = car (or in our case ruck ) time was perfect. You are right no eye contact needed – just a steady hand on the wheel when the conversation became a confessional and you were dealing with the complete angst of growing up.

    We also have horses, so trail riding or barn chores also lend themselves to converstaion and communication.

    i always told my children they could tell me anything. And they did.

    Check out my blog – Hey Mom! http://www.houseoverflowing.com/?p=39

    Comment by Betsy — August 13, 2009 @ 3:02 pm

  21. We always make sure to have a meal together, usually dinner, if not breakfast.

    risanjax@metrocast.net

    Comment by Pat Connors — August 13, 2009 @ 4:57 pm

  22. Every night at dinner I put the focus on my daughter and have her tell me and hubby about her day or anything she is concerned about.

    Comment by Dawn — August 13, 2009 @ 10:16 pm

  23. First get a Facebook account, then be supportive.

    Comment by Katherine Gray — August 13, 2009 @ 10:31 pm

  24. Texting is the new COMMUNICATION tool now. A few years ago it was instant messaging on the computer. Phone text is our way to keeping in touch all day long without interrupting each other’s work. We always make an effort to listen to one another and stay involved in our family.

    Comment by Alex Montana — August 14, 2009 @ 2:05 am

  25. Turn off the computer, tv and cell phones and have meals together at one table. Keep the conversation pleasant. Stop being critical of their every move–they are humans in progress–they change every day.

    Comment by carole rossi — August 14, 2009 @ 6:26 am

  26. My kids are a little young for a cell phone currently (oldest being 11), but I do my best to let them know that I’m available if they want to share their day or whenever they have a problem. When they are having a bad day, I will fix a favorite meal or dessert. Or I will spend one-on-one time with them outside of the house and do something that they would enjoy. It usually puts them in a better mood to want to talk about any issues they are having.

    elkaye[at]gmail[dot]com

    Comment by Miaelkaye — August 14, 2009 @ 7:45 am

  27. I tweeted: http://twitter.com/Elkaye/status/3306746804

    Comment by Miaelkaye — August 14, 2009 @ 7:45 am

  28. I think another factor to consider when communicating with teens is to gauge their mood. There are times when you can’t shut them up and then there are times when all you’ll get is grunts. When communicating with teens, timing is also very important.

    Comment by JMom — August 14, 2009 @ 11:01 am

  29. My daughter is starting jr. high and we bought one of the pay as you go phones to keep in touch. She is also a competitive dancer and often heads out of town with other dancers to events, I feel much safer that we have this for her!

    Comment by The Mom Jen — August 14, 2009 @ 2:56 pm

  30. Tweet! http://twitter.com/themomjen/status/3314374541

    Comment by The Mom Jen — August 14, 2009 @ 2:57 pm

  31. We eat dinner together every night and we talk about our lives and what is to come. We talk about any problems they might have also.

    Comment by angie bailey — August 14, 2009 @ 3:04 pm

  32. We’ve always had an open door policy and try to give each of our 5 children some 1:1 individual time as well as quality family time together. Its so important for kids to be able to feel that what they say and how they feel is important, too! We’re a very close family that is always connected, especially when it comes to our common interests like techy stuff and travel, and even simple things like watching the Disney Channel together.My 3 older kids get a kick out of texting each other, Dear Hubs and I, and of course, their friends. Its funny, our texting capabilities have improved considerably thanks to those text happy girls of ours!

    Twincere(at)gmail(dot)com

    Comment by Tanya W. — August 14, 2009 @ 3:41 pm

  33. I tweeted about this great review & giveaway here:
    http://twitter.com/Twincere/status/3315261781

    Twincere(at)gmail(dot)com

    Comment by Tanya W. — August 14, 2009 @ 3:45 pm

  34. I blogged about this great review & giveaway on my blog and included all required linkbacks.
    http://twinceretwinkles.blogspot.com/2009/08/how-do-you-stay-connected-to-your-kids.html

    Twincere(at)gmail(dot)com

    Comment by Tanya W. — August 14, 2009 @ 3:46 pm

  35. When I went to college we actually wrote letters home to communicate. My daughter is in almost daily contact with quick IM’s just saying Hi. Having continual contact offers the opportunities to talk when she really needs to.

    Comment by Betty — August 14, 2009 @ 6:44 pm

  36. tweeted
    http://twitter.com/bettycd/status/3318300377

    Comment by Betty — August 14, 2009 @ 6:45 pm

  37. My son is recently married and I don’t want to intrude on them too much, so we e-mail each other and talk on the phone just often enough to hear what is going on in each other’s lives and we get together every week or so. Thank you for the wonderful giveaway

    Comment by Christine — August 15, 2009 @ 7:59 pm

  38. My nieces are only 5 and 2 so not teens yet but I make sure we are able to talk openly about lots of stuff. We spend time at the end of the day talking about what happened throughout the day.

    Comment by lace — August 15, 2009 @ 8:30 pm

  39. My youngest just turned 13 and I can already see the changes. No longer does the sun rise and set on “Mommy”..now it’s “oh…mooooooooom” with the dramatic eye-roll.
    I learned years ago with my sons, if you want to know something you have to be willing to share first. I would always open up a discussion by talking about parts of my day or things my friends have recently done or said. Or even things that happened when I was a teen. I think by going “first” it made my children more willing to talk about their own days or things that were bothering them. I know some of the anecdotes I told and the way I handled situations gave them tools to deal with similar events that would come up in their lives.
    I must have done something right. When my oldest left for college out of state a few years ago, he called hom 2-3 times a day those first few months because he was homesick. I was ever-so-grateful for that cell phone he had with him.

    Comment by shel — August 16, 2009 @ 9:26 am

  40. Tweeted:
    http://twitter.com/auntiethesis/status/3344601539

    Comment by shel — August 16, 2009 @ 9:28 am

  41. Blogged:
    http://auntiethesis.blogspot.com/2009/08/keeping-communication-open-giveaways.html

    Comment by shel — August 16, 2009 @ 9:28 am

  42. I try to laugh alot with my teenage son. I’m not too concerned about the mohawk, the piercings, or the clothes. Just letting him be him helps to let him know I can accept things.

    Comment by pixie13 — August 16, 2009 @ 10:09 am

  43. We stay connected by email, video conferencing and the plain old telephone. We also like to get together once a month for a girl’s only weekend even though she’s away at college!

    Comment by Kim — August 16, 2009 @ 7:01 pm

  44. My kids don’t have any cells yet because first, I don’t believe in them having them unless they’re very active, and my kids are always with me unless I’m at work. So… the way I keep the lines of communication open are by listening to them all the time without judgement, and by telling them if they don’t lie to me and treat me the way they want to be treated, we won’t have a problem. it’s working so far!

    pricousins at aol dot com

    Comment by Angie — August 17, 2009 @ 6:49 am

  45. Keeping in touch with teens when they’re away at college is a challenge. We use cell phones and e-mails mainly. A tactic that will always result in a phone call home is a suprise “care package” sent from home. I gather items all the time to include. When I have a box full, I package it up and include a note from home- and off it goes to college!

    Comment by Nancy — August 17, 2009 @ 8:15 am

  46. My almost-teen wanted a cell phone, and I was really against the idea, but it some ways it has helped us stay in contact. She can call or text me if the bus is late or if she’s going home with a friend, so I don’t have to worry. It gives her some independence while still keeping her connected.

    Comment by Karen — August 17, 2009 @ 8:54 am

  47. Here’s the link to my Tweet: http://twitter.com/pricousins/status/3362450368

    Comment by Angie — August 17, 2009 @ 9:47 am

  48. I am very lucky to have two wonderful sons, ages 20 and 16. I have always stressed to them that they can tell me anything. The key is trust and not over reacting.

    Comment by Annette D — August 17, 2009 @ 12:37 pm

  49. blogged http://abdoggett1.blogspot.com/2009/08/win-200-visa-gc-httpwww.html

    Comment by Annette D — August 17, 2009 @ 12:38 pm

  50. tweeted http://twitter.com/annedoggett/statuses/3365310424

    Comment by Annette D — August 17, 2009 @ 12:39 pm

  51. Family dinners at the table always keep the lines of communication open in our family.

    Comment by chrissyb — August 17, 2009 @ 1:10 pm

  52. Talk!!! and have patience! Every day -we always make sure we take time to sit down with each of our four kids and talk about our days – not just the children’s but ours too.

    Comment by Tara Hernandez — August 17, 2009 @ 6:34 pm

  53. The best way is to make sure that the lines of communication are always open. And that anything that is spoken about is without judgment and will be heard.

    Comment by Carolyn G — August 18, 2009 @ 10:48 am

  54. http://twitter.com/carogonza/status/3384634579 – tweeted

    Comment by Carolyn G — August 18, 2009 @ 10:49 am

  55. blogged: http://theartofrandomwillynillyness.blogspot.com/2009/08/another-great-blogher-contest.html

    Comment by Carolyn G — August 18, 2009 @ 10:50 am

  56. Well DS is only a year old, so our main issue is that he isn’t really talking that much yet. But we have been teaching him sign language since day 1, so that helps us communicate more than we could otherwise. Thanks! thebubbledies(at)gmail(dot)com

    Comment by simone — August 18, 2009 @ 12:10 pm

  57. I think asking a lot of questions and not judging are two ways to help keep lines of communication open!

    Comment by linda — August 18, 2009 @ 3:33 pm

  58. blogged!!

    http://givemeagiveaway.blogspot.com/2009/08/enter-at-these-sites-to-win-200-visa.html

    Comment by linda — August 18, 2009 @ 3:53 pm

  59. I don’t have kids yet but for how my parents did it? They made sure to show that they actually wanted to KNOW about things. It’s important to show an interest in your children’s lives or they will shut you out

    Comment by ShootingStarsMag — August 19, 2009 @ 12:35 am

  60. we talk to the kids in the car, at dinner, and just before bed, keeping communication open. i also try not to avoid answering “tough” questions so that they feel at ease about subjects that could become difficult.

    Comment by sandra — August 21, 2009 @ 7:42 am

  61. I hope that when my kids are teens, we’ll just talk, a lot, about everything. Perhaps making sure that family dinners are a priority will be helpful.

    Comment by Spoodles — August 21, 2009 @ 8:23 pm

  62. Tweeted: http://twitter.com/Spoodles/statuses/3463060626

    Comment by Spoodles — August 21, 2009 @ 8:24 pm

  63. [...] This post was Twitted by Spoodles [...]

    Pingback by Twitted by Spoodles — August 21, 2009 @ 8:27 pm

  64. We take an hour to play “The Ungame”. It’s the leading family communications game. Players progress along the playing board as they answer questions such as, “What are the four most important things in your life?” and “What do you think life would be like in 100 years?” this non-competitive game can be a great ice-breaker or a serious exchange of thoughts, feelings and ideas.

    You can check out the write up at amazon.com here:
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000QX9Y9O/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_2?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B00000IS1M&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1FW2MB5XNZ8TVHXNCBH2

    Comment by Chuck Bell — August 22, 2009 @ 2:01 am

  65. When we raised our boys, we did not have cell phones but if there was any change in plans from what we had approved, they were to call home and discuss it with us before going, doing, etc. (Now we would use cell phones) We still maintained family dinner together every night and church together every Sunday. I think these things help togetherness in a family.

    Comment by Betty N — August 23, 2009 @ 6:23 pm

  66. tweet here
    http://twitter.com/Grandma3710/status/3501019326

    Comment by Betty N — August 23, 2009 @ 6:28 pm

  67. blogged about the contest here:
    http://betty-n.blogspot.com/

    Comment by Betty N — August 23, 2009 @ 6:31 pm

  68. Speaking of retro – we’re certainly a throw-back family. We communicate nightly around the dinner table – a shared family dinner – every night. We talk about our days, our plans, and sometimes our dreams. Of course, our kids are still very young, so they really don’t have need for all this modern technology, but those teen years will set in before we know it. (Don’t you know it!)

    Comment by Jen B — August 24, 2009 @ 2:20 pm

  69. I stay connected to my girls by discussing their day with them every day on the way to and from school. I also take turns taking them one on one places, even if it is just to the grocery store. We use that time to get to know one another better by taking out time through the store looking at things that they really like and just talking.

    Comment by Jennifer C — August 24, 2009 @ 4:06 pm

  70. My 18 year old just started her second year of college! For us it’s lots ‘o texting, cell phone calls, and emails! We talk at least a few times a day! If there is even a tiny question she gives me a text!!
    thanks for a GREAT Giveaway!
    Leslie

    Comment by Leslie M — August 25, 2009 @ 8:43 pm

  71. LeslieVeg left a Tweet
    http://twitter.com/LeslieVeg/status/3547648849
    Leslie

    Comment by Leslie M — August 25, 2009 @ 8:44 pm

  72. My kids are young now but I still talk to them everyday. I make sure they know that mom and dad are who they could tell anything to.

    Comment by K. Rock — August 26, 2009 @ 7:44 am

  73. I communicate with my kids by taking an interest in what they enjoy doing. My 14 year old son is really into video games. I will sometimes join him. It’s amazing the topics we have discussed during this time together.

    nancyecdavis AT bellsouth DOT net

    Comment by Nancye Davis — August 26, 2009 @ 9:11 am

  74. We keep communication open by having late night chats when he comes in from his dates, school, or job. We set one day a week if I can get him to squeeze in anothr I do for a Meal together so we can atleast see him at the dinner table. Its getting harder as he gets older and I know the time for him to move out is coming near. :(

    Comment by Night Owl Mama — August 27, 2009 @ 2:13 am

  75. http://twitter.com/Nightowlmama/status/3574899103
    Tweet

    Comment by Night Owl Mama — August 27, 2009 @ 2:14 am

  76. Children are all grown, but my oldest daughter calls me at the very least once a week, but usually it’s more. We also talk on-line almost every day. My youngest daughter is the same way. My oldest son calls me at least once a month to tell me “he’s breathing”. I’ve been telling him since he was a teenager if you’re going to be late at least call me & tell me your breathing & he has ever since. My youngest son also calls me at least once a week & talks to me on line, so we all definitely have a very open communication.

    Comment by Marie Moody — August 27, 2009 @ 11:52 pm

  77. I blogged
    http://nightowlmama.blogspot.com/2009/08/few-things-worth-looking-into.html

    Comment by Night owl mama — August 28, 2009 @ 3:17 am

  78. My children are quite young, but establishing good communication with them is still very important for future lines of communication. I take the time to listen (i.e. stop whatever else I’m doing) to my 5 year old… even if it’s rambling – he usually has a point. Also, we try to have livley discussions at dinner so they will learn to how to have conversations. GLTA!

    Comment by Renski — August 28, 2009 @ 1:44 pm

  79. Tweet! http://twitter.com/Facetwit17/status/3608569567

    Comment by Renski — August 28, 2009 @ 1:45 pm

  80. I still have a 14 year old son and a 13 year old daughter at home. We make it a point to eat dinner together at least five days a week. We have a family movie night once a week and each one can invite one friend. I love spending time with my children and it keeps us close plus we can talk to each other about anything.

    Comment by Tamara B. — August 29, 2009 @ 9:32 am

  81. Keep things light when possible. I don’t act like a drama queen when we talk.

    Comment by Sylvie W. — August 30, 2009 @ 9:24 pm

  82. you don’t invade their space but allow them to come to you. open the lines of communication by being encouraging strict but not too judgmental and a good listener! relate :)

    Comment by DG — August 30, 2009 @ 11:52 pm

  83. Blogged http://the-prestigiator.xanga.com/710905896/communication-between-parents–teens/

    Comment by DG — August 30, 2009 @ 11:53 pm

  84. http://nightowlmama.blogspot.com/2009/08/few-things-worth-looking-into.html

    I blogged

    Comment by Night Owl Mama — August 31, 2009 @ 12:23 am

  85. Talking in the confined atmosphere of a car lends itself to intimacy. And the ability to confess without actually having to look at someone directly in the eye or purposefully avoid eye contact is freeing.

    Comment by Ashley Mott — September 1, 2009 @ 1:28 pm

  86. twitter post http://twitter.com/miscmayzee/status/3693762174

    Comment by Ashley Mott — September 1, 2009 @ 1:29 pm

  87. My stepkids aren’t with us most of the time, so text messaging is the main way we communicate. When they’re at our house, they are usually pretty withdrawn until dinner. That’s when we all get together, and catch up on everyone’s goings-on, and have a good laugh. It’s great, because as hard as it can be to get them out of their rooms or away from the computer, no one is ever in a rush to leave the table.

    Comment by Becky — September 2, 2009 @ 10:41 am

  88. I fought and fought and fought against getting my kids cell phones…now it’s “What R U doing?”, “Did you do ur homework?” “Can you take out the Garbage?” “What r u doing now?” Yes I am that awful Mom who texts her kids constantly. Never again can they say- You never told me that. I just whip out the evidense.

    Comment by Zoe Right — September 2, 2009 @ 12:22 pm

  89. Like many others have commented, I find my kids are more likely to open up in the car, when it is just me and one of them. Lately this has been harder though, since my oldest is 16 and has her learner’s permit. I find it harder to talk to her when she is driving, since I don’t want to distract her and also I am very nervous when she drives. So we have started going out for coffee once a week while her sister is at dance. She likes having special time just with me, and going out for coffee makes her feel grown up too. She is pretty good at letting me know what is bothering her. We have had lots of good talks lately about college, and her worries about fitting in.

    Comment by Anne G — September 3, 2009 @ 10:20 am

  90. I tweeted about the giveaway,
    http://twitter.com/lunaj1456/statuses/3735456150

    Comment by Anne G — September 3, 2009 @ 10:22 am

  91. I let my kids kids have just talk time. Where I am just their sounding off board. Sometimes it is very hard because I want to give my opinions and advice but Ionly give it when they asked. They come to me now because they know I will listen.

    Comment by dani — September 3, 2009 @ 11:18 am

  92. Cellphone, email, Facebook, Twitter, Skype…so many ways to communicate!

    But you have to be a good listener, that’s the most important thing :-)

    Comment by ktanjatk — September 3, 2009 @ 1:40 pm

  93. tweeted:
    http://twitter.com/ktanjatk/status/3739274094

    Comment by ktanjatk — September 3, 2009 @ 1:41 pm

  94. Staying connected, at this point, is less about seeing them often enough, or spending appropriate amounts of time, and more about paying attention.

    I have quadruplet boys who are only 2 years old, so at this point, the problems with our communications have more to do with undertanding one another than finding gadgets or ways to stay connected.

    Eventually, I am sure it will be more about getting that quality time with the kids, but I think it will always be primarily an issue of making sure I do more listening than talking, and making what I do have to say counts. I hope that if I genuinely listen to them, I can be wiser in how I respond, and make them see that I do care what they say, even if I end up disagreeing and not allowing them to have their way.

    Brad Murray
    http://www.murraycrew.blogspot.com
    bradley.g.murray@gmail.com

    Comment by Brad Murray — September 3, 2009 @ 2:04 pm

  95. My daughter is young, but from my childhood, it helps to have general conversations about the family situation, not just kid stuff versus parent stuff

    Comment by Shelly — September 3, 2009 @ 2:53 pm

  96. tweet http://twitter.com/phxbne/status/3740645199

    Comment by Shelly — September 3, 2009 @ 2:54 pm

  97. Having your children know that they can talk to you without judgement but in love, Christ’s love is great.

    Comment by Doreen — September 3, 2009 @ 6:59 pm

  98. We talk when we are getting ready for dinner. Are when we are cleaning around the house. They know they can talk to me and I will listen.

    Comment by tracy heyer — September 3, 2009 @ 9:35 pm

  99. Here’s a link to my blog entry in which I posted my thoughts about keeping the lines of communication open: http://slavetoacademia.blogspot.com/2009/09/keeping-lines-of-communication-open.html

    gkaufmanss@yahoo.com

    Comment by Geoff K — September 3, 2009 @ 10:11 pm

  100. I tweeted: http://twitter.com/guettel78/status/3749053301

    gkaufmanss@yahoo.com

    Comment by Geoff K — September 3, 2009 @ 10:12 pm

  101. I blogged about the giveaway: http://slavetoacademia.blogspot.com/2009/09/200-visa-gc-giveaway-at-retro-food.html

    gkaufmanss@yahoo.com

    Comment by Geoff K — September 3, 2009 @ 10:13 pm

  102. I don’t have my own teens, but I think the most important things are to truly listen with open ears AND an open mind and not rush to judgment. Sometimes kids just need to be heard and to figure things out for themselves. That’s how they grow and learn!

    Comment by Chrysa — September 4, 2009 @ 12:52 am

  103. I tweeted http://twitter.com/ThriftyJinxy/status/3751495425

    Comment by Chrysa — September 4, 2009 @ 12:52 am

  104. I blogged about your contest here: http://winwithjinxy.blogspot.com/2009/09/win-200-visa-gift-card.html

    Comment by Chrysa — September 4, 2009 @ 12:58 am

  105. http://twitter.com/DeeGee13/status/3752094790

    Comment by DG — September 4, 2009 @ 1:43 am

  106. I treat the with respect and they treat me with respect, too!

    Comment by carol — September 4, 2009 @ 11:38 am

  107. I blogged here:http://forums.online-sweepstakes.com/blog.php?b=1646

    Comment by carol — September 4, 2009 @ 11:39 am

  108. http://twitter.com/dresdenrain/status/3760242992

    Comment by carol — September 4, 2009 @ 11:40 am

  109. I also told me children that I would listen to everything they had to say. When I allowed them to state their reasons why I should change my mind about permission for an activity my mother told me I let them “talk back” but I never saw it that way. Even a child should be allowed to voice their opinions.
    When my children were pre-teen my husband and I divorced. Over time the boys eventually went to live with their dad. They still were pretty open with me about so many things they didn’t feel free to talk to their father about (probably due to the expected punishment).
    Now even though they are adults they still tell me things, sometimes things I really wish they had kept to themselves.

    Comment by Betty C — September 4, 2009 @ 11:57 am

  110. I don’t have children.

    Comment by Kayce C — September 4, 2009 @ 2:48 pm

  111. I have no kids. The way I connect with people is to give them my complete attention and really listen to what they are saying (and not saying).

    Comment by Sarah L — September 4, 2009 @ 4:52 pm

  112. Blogged: http://slehan.blogspot.com/2009/09/can-i-use-200-visa-card.html

    Comment by Sarah L — September 4, 2009 @ 4:52 pm

  113. tweet: http://twitter.com/slehan/status/3766256431

    Comment by Sarah L — September 4, 2009 @ 4:53 pm

  114. We don’t keep secrets, and we share everything. My child knows that he can tell me anything, and I will always keep an open mind.

    Thanks

    Comment by Charity — September 4, 2009 @ 5:51 pm

  115. I tweeted.

    http://twitter.com/ccboobooy/status/3767334005

    Comment by Charity — September 4, 2009 @ 5:51 pm

  116. We talk over dinner. Every one gets to take a turn asking a question to the table. It is great and very informative!

    Comment by tuesday — September 4, 2009 @ 5:53 pm

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